You know, I don’t blog enough. I think I’m going to start a lot more. Like somewhat therapy for myself. Because i know I fucking need it. Ha.
I think I’ve reached a leveled point in my lowest part of my life. I mean, i was low before, i came back up. And now I’m just…. Sitting there. Sitting on the second to last branch of getting my feet back down on the ground.
But a tree is just a tree.
Funny saying, huh? I learned it in group.for probation. This group of women, who have all gone through trauma, like me. Well, close… I feel like i just kicked ass and took names…
But thats besides the point.
A tree is just a tree.
I’ve been going through a very rocky, emotion part this laat month. The guy I’m in love with…. Well, i think he’s gone. The past six months have definitely been up, down ,sideways, back up, and then…..
Here we are.
I lost probably the best thing i could have. Granted, hes not doing good in his life right now, either. Effort counts today still, right?
Anyways, he’s amazing. He’s so handsome. His son is handsome. He treated me so well. And what did i do? I slept. I worked. I helped him. And i didnt get a lot of… Physical stuff back. Besides sex. The sex… AMAZING. But its so hard to trust him. Any guy. So many of my friends like him. Not to mention hes a flirt. He always reminded me he always came home to me.
I loved him.
I do really love him.
And now…. I’m pregnant.
Shocker, right? I can’t drink or anything cuz of probation, so what the hell! I mean, I’m not gonna use it against him. If anything, i know i can do it myself. Why be with someone who PLANS on dumping you. Hah, good thing i beat him to it…. After i almost killed myself. And my parents know.
God, my life is fucked up. Always drama.
Can i please stop the drama? Its like a fucking snow ball.
But, a tree is just a tree.
I think I’m going to start a video diary…. Haha, maybe…
I’ll continue later.
Some other time.
Im sleepy. And i feel sick.